Well, this blog “Open-Hearted Olive” project lasted a LOT shorter than expected. Cause I’m dying. Like, and I mean, FOR REAL dying. I guess it’s convenient that I didn’t choose to document this through TikTok or something though cause also I think that’d just be traumatic.

I’ve spoken with the palliative and hospice care team at Georgetown; they’ve got me all comfy on a ventilator and dilaudid and versed. What I wasn’t prepared for was how hard it would be to let go. There’s no IV medication or advice or reassuring hand that makes it any easier. It’s dawning on me how much I still wanna do and see and explore. And yet, this lifetime is not the one meant for it.

I walked into this transplant hospital with my mom due to a “tummy ache”. The things I would do to be able to walk out. If there’s one small favor I can ask of you today, it would be to tell someone you love them today. A stranger, a dog, a co-worker, a friend. I wish I’d done more of it. I wish I spent all my time and breath on “I love you’s”, and less on worrying about what the hell else I’m gonna do with my life, because a judgmental life is a judgmental world.

Credit to: “Nothing Personal” by The Beautiful James Baldwin

My mom will be managing any messages sent to this inbox in case of any messages, memories, “I love you’s”, (or any stray thoughts that cross your mind!). The direct email address is: olivegracedeguzman@gmail.com.